People who say, “I have no regrets,” are not telling the truth. They should truthfully say either, “I avoid thinking about my regrets,” or, “I am content with the regrets I have chosen.” Every choice made in life excludes the opportunity for another experience, given the limits of time and resources. If I choose to go to the mountains this weekend, I cannot at the same time go to the beach. While I may prefer the benefits of going to the mountains, I am still missing out on the benefits of going to the beach. I may choose benefits of self employment, but I miss out on the opportunity to have the relative stability of being an employee of someone else. I may choose the benefits of not marrying, but I miss out on the opportunity of experiencing the depth of committed relationships of a spouse and children in a cohesive family. There is a price to be paid for every choice, an opportunity missed for every opportunity taken, a regret to be had for every regret avoided. The best we can do is to choose our regrets wisely. --Steven R. Hobbs
I've Failed
“I’ve failed over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed.” --Michael Jordan
Nothing Will Work
“Nothing will work unless you do.” --Maya Angelou
If Pain Were Water
“If pain were water, the world would drown.” —Dennis Prager
Tragedy and Regret
We ought not conflate the pain of tragedy with the suffering of regret. Pain is inevitable; suffering is gratuitous. Tragedy is the painful experience of acknowledging an unfortunate reality. Regret is the experience of acknowledging an unrealized opportunity that could have led to avoiding an unfortunate reality. —Steven R. Hobbs
Pessimist, Optimist, Realist
“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” --William Arthur Ward
Regret
Regret is the experience of acknowledging an unrealized opportunity that could have led to avoiding an unfortunate reality. —Steven R. Hobbs
Stop Signs
“Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines.” —Robert H. Schuller
Difficult Families
“With difficult families, the therapist must be predictable enough to be relied on by the family, but not so predictable that he can be easily anticipated, thus he can bring about change. One must be predictable in one’s commitment to solving the family problem but unpredictable and inconsistent in moment-to-moment maneuvers.” --Jay Haley in Leaving Home: the Therapy of Disturbed Young People, pg. 276
Addicts Are
“Addicts are those who use compulsive, obsessive, and destructive behavior to escape pain. This expresses itself in two ways: those overwhelmed because they have been exposed to excessive pain and cannot cope healthfully, and those overwhelmed because they have been sheltered from sufficient pain and cannot cope healthfully.” —Steven R. Hobbs
Thinking Alike
“If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking.” —George S. Patton
Difficult Trials
“Difficult trials are merely challenges which most other people will be unwilling or unable to overcome, but which I, with tenacity, resilience, and discipline, will prevail over, thereby earning the rewards envied by many and attained by few. When I come up against a difficulty, I have learned to think, ‘Good. This is an opportunity to move ahead of those less capable and less motivated individuals who will give up, even though I will not.’” —Steven R. Hobbs
If I Am
“If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?” —Rabbi Hillel
Not a Problem
“It’s not a problem within myself to need to ask for help sometimes when I get stuck.” — H., 15 years old
Today's Problems
“Today’s problems are yesterday’s solutions.” —Peter Senge